Late substitution

Leeds Student Sport

By Simon Sandison

­As February gave the ground staff of Weetwood playing fields a decidedly frosty reception this Wednesday, the University’s sports men and women – as well as its reporters - were left searching for alternative ways to spend their afternoon.

    Having received the cold shoulder I retired to the warmth of a gas fire and gave some consideration to the kinds of sporting activities that can stand up to the conditions which render even the ‘all-weather’ astroturf unplayable.
    It was with dismay, however, that I slowly came to the realisation that, without the great outdoors, sport seems slightly unfulfilling.
    Consider first the fixtures that did go ahead this week: Basketball is too American by some distance. Besides which, my lowly 5 foot 8 as always stood as a hindrance to my understanding of the game, and inevitably my enjoyment.
    Netball, its close relation, offers little more pleasure. The game is too fast, and the scores that can be achieved in only an hour of play reveal a shortage of subtlety that leads to a lack of interest in this spectator at least.
    Presumably the Squash survived the freeze as well. Any sport, however, in which the ball routi

nely moves at well over 100mph and protective goggles are not uncommon must attract the insanely fit and the plain insane. I am neither.
    As a British man I havebeen conditioned to view tennis as a summer sport, and lawn tennis as its finest variation. As such, tennis in February seems unnatural, evenif I have been dragging myself from my bed early for the past fortnight to follow the Australian open.
    Perhaps a shift in direction is needed. If indoor sports come up short time and time again then maybe its time to consider simulations of outdoor sports to fulfil my desire for a competitive fix.                 Computer games have never been my thing, and so my ill-advisedly purchased Xbox offers little solace. Despite the religious fervour that heralds the yearly release of ‘FIFA’ and ‘Pro Evo’, there is no game that I have encountered that really recreates anything even approaching the joy of real competition – or, more pertinently, that of viewing it.
    Nevertheless, the idea of being able to recreate the sports that I love without even having to leave my front room is appealing, and I definitely feel as though I am on the right track. The answer is clear. The best replacement to Wednesday afternoon’s cancelled games is the same substitute that served me so well during abandoned playtimes and wet afternoons as a child: Tabletop sports.
    I immediately insist that the reader removes any visions of table football from their mind. There is no virtue whatsoever in this poor pub game that forces its players to universally adopt a formation more rigid than Arsenal’s mid 90’s back four. Subbuteo is clearly a more comprehensive recreation of the beautiful game. The only true all weather pitch is made of green felt. The formations are wonderful, and the ability for a match to unfold before you becomes a thing of beauty, as long as the groundsman (your mum) as taken good care of the pitch (ironed the felt). Even still, the pace is too slow and the game relies too much on chance. What’s more, the less skilful player cannot resort to the long ball, and the risk of serious injury in the form of fingernail bruising is a prohibitive to many.
    So what’s left? Rising majestically from the annals of my childhood memories, and more literally descending from my Nan’s loft, is World Cup Cricket. The leisurely pace reflects perfectly the game it mimics. The emphasis is on field placements and subtlety of bowling. The batsman must find the perfect angles and the battle between bat and ball is miniaturised in a way that rewards invention. Real cricketers might well have the right idea in touring much warmer climates all winter, but in their absence a thing of beauty can take place on my own dining table, and it can last all afternoon.
    I hope it freezes next week: I’m spending tomorrow on ebay.