Depression: More than a one person struggle

LS investigates the world of depression

By Adam Richardson

Depression can affect one in four people during their lifetime, so the chances are that if you are reading this in a group, someone has had or will have depression at some point.   

However, can you talk about depression if you’ve never suffered from it yourself? The answer is yes. The friends, housemates or coursemates of a sufferer can burdened with dealing with the condition too. Regardless, it is a tough time for all involved.

Depression is a word used by lots of people. Some use it to describe low moods which last for a short time, but others use it to describe a prolonged period of time of feeling unhappy or at worst, potentially suicidal. The trouble is, no matter how much you support someone, it’s hard to know what is going on inside their head.

Being there for someone can make a huge difference, but it can also be incredibly difficult and stressful, despite being a good deed.

Everyone is aware of the warning signs of depression, but what would you do if someone you knew or cared about started to develop these symptoms? Could you be their main go to person?
    
Speaking out

Leeds Student spoke to Lucy* about her battle with depression, and the effects it had upon her life and that of her friends.
She said: “At the time I was embarrassed to admit I had depression, studying Psychology I was quickly able to diagnose myself and although it was beneficial, knowing exactly what was wrong with me, it was also very dangerous to know in such detail, that I would continually diagnose myself.”

Lucy saw her problems starting while she was on her gap year, where she admits having the time of her life. However, upon getting home, she started to feel low, but pushed herself to get to University.

“I left for University with great anticipation but with the view that I wouldn’t actually be staying long. With this idea in mind I didn’t make much effort with my flat mates or the people around me. The place was the bloody pits. Set in one of the roughest areas of Leeds, there were muggings and stabbings. We were like caged animals, only 15 minutes away from Uni, but trapped not being able to walk in the dark.”

However, Lucy had one lifeline. “Thankfully one of my

best friends from home was coincidently in the same halls as me and was my absolute rock. Although we both struggled in our first year, she pulled me through it all, and I don’t know what I would have done without her.”

Bella, described the onset of Lucy’s illness: “If Lucy had not confided in me, I never would have guessed anything was wrong. To see your usually happy friend in such a state makes you feel incredibly helpless, however together we had many chats either having a moan or chatting about how, by taking small steps we could try to overcome it. I am extremely glad she told me, not only so I could be a support unit as we were living in each others pockets, but also so I understood Lucy’s some what erratic behavior in certain situations.”

Lucy also befriended another girl in Leeds, who she describes as an “absolute star.”

A cliché

“During my low points my family and friends, as cliché as it sounds, really pushed me through it, although it took a lot to initially tell them how I felt, every one especially my parents were incredibly supportive, I really do not know what I would have done without them.

“Although this was understandably hard for them to deal with, never did they vocalise this or make me feel in any way like a burden on their happy lives. And yes, although professional help also helped a lot, knowing that close friends and family had my back gave me a warm and comforting feeling during a time when my depression made feeling other emotions almost inconceivable.”

Upon returning for her second year, things started to go wrong again for Lucy. She decided to see a councillor and has been on anti-depressants.

Isolation

One of the biggest problems facing students suffering with depression is how to talk to someone. People can feel isolated, and fear that people might think their problem is trivial if they talk about it. Lucy was lucky in having people around her to talk to, but not all students are so lucky.

Eleanor, another student suffering with depression, told LS:

“Only a select few of my friends know about how I really feel because I always put on a happy face and actively hide my problem from most people. Most of them wouldn’t have a clue because they only know to look out for the really obvious symptoms like ‘tearfulness’ and ‘feelings of worthlessness’ but not all people feeling depressed are going to openly express it like that.

Signs of depression vary from the obvious to those that you would only realise through talking to somebody. Symptoms include tearfulness, changes in mood restlessness and weight loss.         

However, some you would not recognise unless you were explicitly on the look-out. These can include feeling of hopelessness and guilt, feeling low and thoughts of death or suicide.

The need to talk about mental health issues was recognised by a group of students who in 2008  set up the The Mind Matters society. The society attempt raise awareness of mental health issues on campus.

Nick Almond, the outgoing President of the society said: “If your housemate is depressed it can be quite stressful because you are concerned about the person, but they might have also become less social and more isolated. This can have an impact on the whole household and friends.”

“Some friends may notice the symptoms and try and intervene which is great, but it is not always welcomed by the person with depression. It can also be associated with other problems such as drug/alcohol abuse or an anxiety disorder which bring their own difficulties.

“If friends and housemates do not realise that the person has depression they may just feel that the person is being rude or unsociable which can be upsetting for both parties.

“Although not everyone who says they’re depressed literally are, it would really help if people took it seriously. Nothing makes you feel worse than being told you’re over exaggerating but it’s an easy assumption to make when it’s coming from someone like me who always comes across as a happy person.”

Be a good friend
    
Nigel Humphrys, Head of the Student Counselling Service emphasises the importance of being a good friend. People can be a good friend, it’s what they know about. Wherever possible, try and listen. Try to understand how they are feeling. They might feel isolated, so reach out and assist.  

He emphasises that being a help could be something as simple as just giving your friend a piece of information, such as a website address or some conatct details of useful services.

The student counselling service located on Clarendon Place offer a free, confidential service to students with a range of issues. They offer drop-in sessions, as well as individual counselling and group sessions on a range of issues.

It is important to remember that the service is also there for supporters of friends, not just students with mental health issues.

As a friend, you may feel compelled to help someone as much as you possibly can. However, if you decide to help someone, Nigel advises that you decide from the outset what you can and can’t do. Boundaries are very important.
    
Don’t suffer in silence

Lucy is managing her depression and is upbeat about her chances. “The illness itself is a taboo topic, and is generally overused in conversion and misunderstood. But please do not suffer in silence if you do feel you are depressed.

“I have reached the conclusion that I am almost grateful for the lows I experienced, as cliché as it sounds, it really does make you a stronger person and appreciate the highs.

Despite this, Lucy believes reaching out to friends and family really helped: “Reaching out to family and friends initially is extremely beneficial in the short run, before seeking any professional advice.”

If life is difficult, do not hesitiate to get in touch with one of the groups who can help. Being a good friend can make a huge difference to the person struggling in your life.
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* All names were changed at the interviewee’s request