Tits

Leeds Student recently broke the news that the Union ‘may ban lads’ mags’. My reaction was one of sheer dismay. As Laura Fielding from the Equestrian Society rightly put it, the Union has no right to remove the freedom of choice of its members, who ‘are all adults, capable of making rational decisions’. That the market already limits choice is irrelevant. As neoliberals like Laura know (and as I have argued on these pages before), competition breeds efficiency. Hence the market forces me to accept that I cannot currently ‘choose’ to buy Concrete Construction magazine from Essentials.  I just live in hope that the student masses come round to the joys of concrete.

The difference with lads’ mags is that we can fight to save them. Already they are struggling to compete, but to pre-empt the market in denying their insight would be wrong. Luckily, we can prevent this. It has since transpired that Harriet Rankin’s idea will be put to a referendum, scheduled to take place in the next fortnight. Before we vote, let us not underestimate the overall contribution lads’ mags make to our Union, and indeed wider society. Don’t get me wrong, I love tits as much as the next man (unless that man is asexual or worse, gay). But lads’ mags show us so much more than tits. They also show us cars, war, sport – not concrete I admit – but still actual manly stuff. Moreover, they discuss these issues in an educational manner that produces ‘banter’. Mastering this discourse is said to guarantee not only that other men befriend you, but also that women sleep with you.

The proposed ban would stifle this (unless we find another outlet, but that’s not the point). And for what? To create a public space that rejects objectification? To create a Union which students feel comfortable in? To prevent intimidation from a constant array of ‘ideal’ sexualised figures? It’s political correctness gone mad. Instead we should be free; free to rely on our individual free choice, informed only by our rational minds and not in any way by the rush of blood that flows (freely) from our brains to our penises when we see naked women and their tits. Mmm…tits.

I digress; but equally distracting comments from lads’ mag editors are not good enough. Sarcastically celebrating that Loaded would be mentioned ‘in the same breath as The Catcher in the Rye, Lord of the Flies and American Psycho’ invites replies that this breath would have been better saved. This ban is a serious matter, and should be treated as such. Without lads’ mags where can we exercise our right to freedom of choice? Where else – I wonder as I stare at my computer screen – can we turn in our rational quest to look at, celebrate, and objectify some nice tits? Your guess, reader, is as good as mine.

Author: Chris Dietz