Sexpert’s guide

Having been ill for the past few weeks… I would apologise for the lack of blog entries but I truly doubt many lives have been affected by this and if yours has I can’t say I wouldn’t judge you a little bit.

…Anyway, yes, having been ill and spending most of my time bored out my head in bed or avoiding the huge amount of work to get done, I found reading ‘An Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex’ cover to cover most entertaining.

Firstly, it’s not mine. Secondly, it should be called ‘An Incredibly Special guide to Bog-Standard Sex for Special People aka Morons’. Nevertheless, it was good to get some clarification surrounding important sex themes:

Hand jobs: Should involve a hand. You should also try and move that hand.

Blow jobs: Don’t actually blow into it!! Doh!

Sex itself: Generally to be completed naked (Not in a woollen sex suit?! Shit.)

With my research done and illness fading I felt equipped to take on a new challenge. I’m talking about sex, if you have not realised the topic of this blog yet. I would have sex with a real life boy.

A word of warning: bedtime reading of ‘An Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex’ is dangerous. The inevitable place a bedtime read will end up is next to one’s bed, or, in my case, on the bed itself. This can prove devastating in the execution of any sexual operation with a literate boy. I can assure you it completely, and utterly, kills the mood*.

*Unless you can web a fool-proof and elaborate lie and tell the boy it’s only research for a ‘hilarious blog’ you are writing about how ‘some people (not you) are awkward at sex’ which you can then prove by posting an article on Leeds Student website… Then again, if that didn’t kill it, I’m pretty sure this just did.