The Low Down – Spooky Shenanigans

Halloween, as far as manufactured and commercially lucrative days of celebration go, is the best. Valentine’s Day is an annual kick in the dick for single people, whilst encouraging the type of utterly crap schmoozy antics that regularly seem to pay off in Mathew McConaughey films. Easter has a horrible tendency to get all preachy on you whilst simultaneously sponsoring obesity, and Christmas blots its copy book by encouraging participation of old people. Halloween however is the festivity with something for everyone.

For the kids there is the innocent excitement of dressing up, party games and the year’s most polite mass-mugging – trick or treat.

Teens get to enjoy an evening where behaviour that would almost certainly warrant ASBO actions is not only tolerated but encouraged. Eggings, mindless graffiti and nonchalant vandalism are all seemingly completely kosher. Note to pranksters: as a fairly stupid 8 year old I chose to go egging in broad daylight at around 4pm, in a village where only about 3 children lived. Even more foolishly I decided my target would be the open window of a completely innocent neighbour’s house (?!). This is where my poor technique turned to miserable luck, as the soon-to-be livid owner of the house was sat in the room into which I lobbed the egg. Remember: failure to prepare is preparing to fail.

For students Halloween presents a convenient opportunity to go nuts and write-off several days due to excessive celebration. It also offers female students a rare opportunity to go out dressed like a complete slut criticism-free, which is seemingly taken up with vigour. One particular effect of Halloween is that it goes someway to shedding some light on the popularity of Goth culture. And I mean real Goths, not just mildly annoyed teens that used to read Goosebumps books. Just think how much fun you have dressing up for Halloween once a year. Goths get to have that much fun every single day. Often dismissed as moody killjoys, Goths are probably having the best time all the time. Unconfirmed reports claim Slipknot are permanently over the fucking moon with glee.

And of course all of the above give proper adults plenty of ammunition for doing what they love best. Moaning about the vices of today’s youth. Like I said, Halloween is literally the festivity with something for everyone.

So go nuts, eat bucket loads of sweets, throw flour at strangers, knob a fat rotter dressed as a ‘sexy zombie’; it’s your only chance of the year  to do so guilt-free…