Potential for a Lib/Lab coaltion made a mockery of British democracy – as did the entire negotiation farce

Written Monday 10th May 2010

For the purpose of this piece I do not wish to disclose my political stance nor mention the names of the British parties in question. I will instead be using analogies that will be familiar to those following the election of 2010 and hopefully eye-opening and amusing to those that are not. I open this piece with a question – does not a democracy mean the wish of the people, tyranny of the majority and decision by the masses? However it is phrased and despite its many flaws the aforementioned definitions are not difficult to understand.

The system may not be perfect, and in the words of Winston Churchill “many forms of Government have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time”. Nonetheless Westerners are unanimous in our acceptance of democracy, for the time being at least. So how can it be that democracy in 2010 has led us to a situation where the second and third most popular parties can be on the brink of forming a coalition government? More alarmingly how can we allow the third most popular party who obtained a mere 57 of a possible 650 seats to have acquired the power to control which party leader becomes Prime Minister? This election has taken the decisions away from the pubic and thrown them straight back into the hands of the leaders. If we entrusted parties to decide amongst themselves who would govern the country there we be no need for an election in the first place. How can three egotistic party leaders (and we all know politicians are egotistic) and their selected few political advisors rationally decide upon who is right to govern the country? Millions have watched the debates, witnessed the differences in opinion and the evident competition between the party leaders. How can these men, as I write be undertaking talks to decide our future coalition government with absolutely zero need to consider the actual vote count? The need for an absolute majority may have been created to account for an excess of ignorant voters but in the case of the 6th May it has completely reversed the function of a democracy. In simple terms if a child told her parents her preferred birthday gift was a pony, a Barbie second and next some paint pots, we would understand  her disappointment if her parents gave her a Barbie covered in paint, especially if the possibility of a pony was highly promising. Furthermore what if when playing with her Barbie doll covered in paint, the girl realises that her Barbie is in fact a Cindy?  Unbeknownst to the girl Barbie has stepped down so Cindy could be covered in paint. The poor girl has not only failed to receive her pony but has also never heard of a Cindy Doll and was oblivious to the potential of Cindy being given as her present. Cindy, in fact didn’t even gain a place as the girl’s 650th present of choice and even more surprisingly it was the pots of paint that made all of the aforementioned decisions. One can hopefully understand my, perhaps far-fetched analogy and recognize the absurdity of a party which gained the most seats potentially being pushed out by a Barbie covered in paint. Admittedly this is our current system of electoral reform, rules must be abided by and the Pony did not manage to gain an overall majority or win enough seats from Barbie. Furthermore I am not an academic nor have I even completed my undergraduate degree yet, however I do remember being taught how to count when I was at nursery, and I can acknowledge that the number 306 is larger than the number 258, and also the number 57, for that matter. Even the most uneducated, ignorant or apathetic voter can appreciate that. Yet British democracy today will put up walls, boundaries and never-ending meetings with junior party members escaping on pizza runs in the small hours of the night, all the while ignoring the fact that the number 306 is quite clearly larger than the number 258. To finish let us consider, for comedy purposes, the Monster Raving Loony Party. Their current manifesto includes the inclusion of a GCSE Lottery which says that “before the beginning of exams, the exam board will select a certain obscure phrase which will be kept secret. If any pupil inadvertently writes this phrase in any exam, he/she will automatically receive straight A* grades, and a free teddy”, the legislation for all schools to be dismissed if three or more pigeons make it into the central corridor and the requirement that all superheroes use their powers for good and not evil. Perhaps it would move things along if the Monster Raving Loony Party or the BNP whose allowance to simply stand for a seat offends millions, could offer up their seat to the party of their choice. Fortunately for Britain’s credibility neither was lucky enough to gain one in this election, but with this current political system maybe next election it will be possible. In actual fact maybe the prohibition of superheroes performing evil deeds, who are lest we forget imaginary creatures living in comic books, makes more sense than our current electoral system.

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